Anna Alymova, psychologist, editor of a blog about psychotherapy, specialist of the service for the selection of psychologists Alter
Emily Nagoski. "As a woman wants"
For a long time, female sexuality was ignored. It was believed that the role of a woman in bed is to please a man: this is evidenced by the popularity of "female courses" on sex techniques and ways to keep a man in a relationship. According to a 2017 study published in the scientific journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, 95% of men and 65% of heterosexual women, and 86% of homosexuals, have regular orgasms .
The cultural context, upbringing, imposed images of the "ideal body" - all of this strongly influences us. Many women do not know their own anatomy and, moreover, are afraid to even think about it. As a Woman Wants, there are four parts: (Not So) Elementary Anatomy, Sex in Context, Sex in Action, and Ecstasy for All. Emily Nagoski explains how our beliefs and emotions relate to body reactions. Reading will be useful not only for women, but also for men.
Emily Nagoski. "As a woman wants" © liters.ru
Jesse Bering. "I, you, he, she and other perverts"
When you learn about any unusual sexual addictions, you have thoughts: "How immoral!", "What is wrong with these people ?!" or maybe "I wonder how it works?" In any case, this book will provide answers to many questions "about the instincts of which we are ashamed", and even help to take a fresh look at the concept of the norm.
Jesse Bering says that in fact we are all "abnormal" and that's okay. Features of sexual behavior are biologically and culturally inherent, and it is not at all necessary to be ashamed of them. A great book to come to accept yourself and the world around you.
Jesse Bering. "I, you, he, she and other perverts" © litres.ru
Brandy Engler. "Men on my couch"
Let's talk about male sexuality? There are many myths and stigmas around her too. For example, that men do not care about feelings in sex, they do not strive for love and are always ready for any erotic interaction.
Brandi Engler is a psychotherapist who works with men. This book is a collection of therapeutic stories. It helps to understand the reasons for infidelity, misunderstanding and the pain that we often cause each other in relationships.
During these therapy sessions, Brandi Engler not only gained a better understanding of the world of men, but also sorted out her problems. Therefore, the book will be of interest to everyone, regardless of gender - after all, both psychotherapy and sex require at least two people.
Brandy Engler. "Men on my couch" © liters.ru
Daria Varlamova, Elena Foer. "Sex"
Not only people, but also some animals have sex not only for the sake of procreation, but also for pleasure. Moreover, pleasure in a broad sense is not about orgasm, but about communication and building social ties. So sex drive isn't just biology?
The subtitle of the book is "From the neurobiology of libido to virtual porn." She looks at how natural instincts are superimposed on the psychology and culture of the modern world. Why is something condemned and something declared the norm? Why do we need sex? And what is he anyway? An easy and fun sexuality science pop guide will help you understand these topics and better understand yourself.
Daria Varlamova, Elena Foer. "Sex" © liters.ru
Laurie Mints. "Pleasure point"
Even in the modern world there is still a stereotype that there are “right” and “wrong” female orgasms. Many trainings are devoted to how to learn how to have pleasure during penetrative sex. There is even a concept of "adaptive masturbation" - the one that is most similar to sexual intercourse with a man. It is to her, according to many, that a woman should strive, forgetting about what she specifically likes.
Fortunately, we gradually get rid of these prejudices and come to the conclusion that a woman initially has the same rights as a man to enjoy sex. This means that it is necessary to take into account her physiology and desires. This is what the "Pleasure Point" is about.
Stereotypes cause millions of women to imitate and subsequently feel ashamed and think that something is wrong with them. The words we use to talk about sex are also important - because for many, "sex" = "penetration", and the rest of the practices are considered more "prelude". As always, changes should start from the head - and then you can move on to the techniques.
Laurie Mints. "Point of pleasure" © liters.ru
Mary Roach. “Sex is for Science. Science for Sex "
"Sex is only studied by perverts" - this opinion was prevalent in the world of science until about the 1970s. Neither biologists nor psychologists tried to touch on this topic - and if they did, they approached it as formally as possible.
Mary Roach writes about how sex research began to develop. With the help of this book, you can find out what is happening behind closed laboratory doors, what methods are used by scientists and what they want to achieve. And for sure you will learn a lot about this aspect of life and stop being ashamed of it (if it was a problem before).
Mary Roach. “Sex is for Science. Science for sex »© liters.ru
Marty Klein. "Sexual Intelligence"
Most people have already heard about emotional intelligence. Let's talk about sexy now.
Marty Klein is a sexologist who advises couples. Over the years of practice, he has come to the conclusion that at the beginning of a relationship, people are often ready to literally lash out at each other thanks to hormones - but over time, the passion dies down. This happens because we do not have time to recognize our own body and do not know how to talk with a partner about our feelings and desires. You've probably heard the phrase "You don't need to talk about sex, you have to deal with it." Ultimately, this position leads to the fact that sex instead of pleasure begins to bring irritation, and then completely disappears.
Sexual intelligence, says Marty Klein, is a combination of awareness, emotional skills and understanding of one's own body. It is through this that "adult sexuality" comes into life.
Marty Klein. "Sexual Intelligence" © liters.ru
Esther Perel. "Right to" left "
Esther Perel is a psychotherapist who studies the topic of sex in long-term relationships. And it is almost impossible to reveal it without touching on the issue of betrayal. Many couples encounter them and do not know how to behave.
Perel conducted a case study to understand the nature of cheating. She spoke with different people, read about other people's experiences, and worked with couples to find out what was happening at each corner of the triangle.
Arguing about what counts as cheating and why people cheat, the author comes to unexpected conclusions. Often, it's not about sex at all, but about feelings that fuel desire. Does this mean that the only way out is polygamy? Or even in a long-term relationship, can you continue to love and want each other? After reading the book, you can answer this question yourself and, perhaps, look at the relationship from a new angle.
Esther Perel. "Right to" left " © liters.ru
Read also: 10 books about love and relationships. Psychologist's choice